Earn Loads in an Essay Competition

The Gulen Institute Youth Platform at the University of Houston is open for essay entries from students around the globe. You have to write on a given topic and relating to one of the below mentioned discussion questions. The program is aimed at helping youth define problems related to stable peace and social harmony, discuss them and offer possible solutions from their own perspectives.

Topic: Are Citizens of the World Succeeding in Lessening Global Poverty?

Questions that can be addressed in the Essay (Pick only one of the following questions)
• Discuss a novel innovative proposal to combat poverty. Elaborate how feasible is its implementation, how measurable its outcomes, and promise for replicability in any region.

• Discuss some innovative practices that have been particularly effective in reducing or eliminating poverty in some regions. Do they show any promise as a model for implementation elsewhere? Are they promising on a global scale?

• Some means to innovate projects for lessening poverty impinge upon cultural practices, rights of either men or women, and may be considered contrary to one’s dignity. Can these limitations be overlooked in the interests of the greater good? Why or why not?

• Both governmental and private funding has resulted in lessening poverty. Select an example of either to discuss the better approach, keeping in mind accountability and adaptability to any global setting.

• Consider an acknowledgedly successful innovation to lessen poverty in a particular region to explore to what extent it can be customized for another setting? For the entire international scene?

• Identify an example of an effective innovation to decrease poverty that utilized social means within a culture, without intrusions from NGOs or the UN. Why or why isn’t this example promising for all regions?

Awards:
Winners from 1st to 30th place will be awarded a sponsored excursion to Washington DC. They will be accompanied by one of their parents/guardians. The sponsorship covers airfare, accommodations, meals, and transportation for both the student and one accompanying parent/guardian. The winners will also receive a Certificate of Award from the Gulen Institute.

1st Place: USD2000+3-day Excursion
2nd Place: USD1500+3-day Excursion
3rd Place: USD1000+3-day Excursion
4th – 15th Place: USD300+3-day Excursion
16th – 30th Place: USD100+3-day Excursion

The winning students will get an opportunity to meet honorable U.S. Congress members, participate in discussions, visit local university and think-tank organizations, and enjoy tourist attractions in Washington, D.C.

Eligibility Criteria:
• Essays must be written in English; original unpublished, and written entirely by student; contain student’s original opinions and recommendations based on research.
• Essays must be at least 1,500 words in length but no more than 2,000.
• Entry must include a bibliography and comply with standards regarding citations and bibliography.
• Entrants must include the reason behind choosing the discussion topic. S/he must explain how it relates to her/his nation and contrast the nation’s policies with at least those of one other.
• Entrants are required to cite any relevant research in their responses.

Deadline: December 15, 2014
Visit Official Site: http://gulenyouthplatform.org/new/about/

Snapping Cities Photo Competition: Tackling urban challenges in African cities

If you have not entered the Snapping Cities competition, why don’t you give it a go! In August, the Mo Ibrahim Foundation launched the “Snapping Cities” photography competition. They have received a range of entries with a wide range of subject and styles, with photographers and members of the public engaging with the ‘African Cities’ topic showcasing interesting and dynamic city challenges through images.

Need some inspiration; photographic entries must capture: A challenge facing your city

These photographs could be related to areas such as:
• Housing
• Water and Sanitation
• Population growth and movement
• Transport
• Informal Settlements

How your city is overcoming these challenges?
These photographs should capture how these challenges are being addressed. Images can answer some of the following questions:
• How has your city progressed over the last few years (housing, water and sanitation etc.)?
• Are there new and interesting solutions (mixed housing development, innovative business solutions, waste treatment solutions, water provision solutions etc.)?
• Are people finding their own innovative ways to address challenges that are not met by local government?

The Mo Ibrahim Foundation has postponed its Annual Governance Weekend in Accra, Ghana to 2015. With this in mind, the “Snapping Cities” competition deadline will be extended to 10 November 2014.

A selection of the best photographs will be displayed at the 2015 Ibrahim Forum on African Cities in Accra, Ghana where they will be seen by prominent African political and business leaders, representatives from civil society, multilateral and regional institutions as well as Africa’s major international partners.

PRIZES
• Winners will be selected for the top three prizes; US$500, US$200, and US$100
• A selection of the best photographs will be displayed in an exhibition at the 2014 Ibrahim forum in Accra, Ghana, in November
• Selected entries will also be displayed on the MIF website

All photographs must be submitted by 5pm on 10 November 2014

Entries will be judged by the MIF secretariat

By entering this competition you are agreeing to the terms & conditions.

It is Time for Sex ED in High School

Parents are often looking out for their kids. They do not wish to expose them to the ills of the world. A Sex Education program was proposed for introduction into Kenyan schools some time back and was widely shunned, both by the parents and the teachers. Each parties claiming that it would expose the teens to stuff they were not ready for.

Late last week however, 15 male students were found sleeping in a girl’s dorm in Mbeere South, Embu County. The boys from Embu High School, sneaked into St Mary Gachoka, cut off the power and entered into a dorm according to a report from Nation. Talk of guts.

The 11 form four, three form three, and one form one student arrived in taxis after contacting the girls via mobile phones. “Guys, aren’t exams going on? How do you escape during exams? If you miss a paper, means you can’t graduate from high school. Why forfeit a whole year for just a night of fun?” asked a parent.

The school’s watchman heard male voices and alerted the school principal, who called the police at 2am. Local police boss said the boys were taken to hospital to establish if they had had sex. The boys were then arrested perhaps for vandalism and breaking and entering. No action was taken on the girls. A Nairobian says, “This is a bit sexist, the girls should also be in line in hospital with the boys, not just to check for sex but for STDs as well.”

A concerned citizen notes that arranging sex for 15 people, together with transportation and the sneaking is just logistical genius! “The girls are in as much fault as the boys. Without an invitation, the boys would not have just gone!” he reiterates.

“If it was rape, there would have been screams and mayhem. Not just solja hearing male voices. And calling the police so calmly, and arrests so smooth, I mean, the boys were ‘asleep’,” he adds.

Bonnie, an older brother laments that, “Yet parents were against introduction of sex education and family planning in school less it ‘spoils’ their children.” For every action, there is a reaction, in this case for every choice there is a consequence. You have to understand fully what the implications of your actions are. Dad always taught abstinence to me, not preached it. He said he is a boy (dah!!) and gave me a little insight on the boy brain.

My parents explained why it is important to abstain;
• According to science, anyone you have sex with, you pick up their bad traits. It affects you totally. Even those one night stands, you never forget. Sex has such major emotional implications that even science doesn’t fully understand.
• Risk of diseases. My mum always said, “A baby we can take care of, but my dear child, what happens if you contract AIDS?” I have never forgotten. Our generation has to worry about so much in sex. There is chlamydia, herpes, UTIs, syphilis, gonorrhoea, etc
• Pregnancy. Kenya does not have proper schools for pregnant girls. If you get pregnant in high school, it is practically the end of your education. It becomes very hard being a teen, a parent, and still have to be in school. Often you have to drop out of school. Our society is increasingly becoming more paperised; employees now look at degrees on top of the skills one has.
• Proper Planning. We all have dreams. We all wish to be successful and have a superb happy future. All that depends on that you do today. If you drop out of high school cause of sex issues, just cause of one night, you miss college, you din get a super uni, don get a proper job/entrepreneur, you don get your dream.

Sex is that powerful. A few minutes of fun can literally shape the rest of your life. Think wisely my lovelies. Keep safe and remember to enjoy your childhood, leave adult stuff to the adults. As an oldie you will miss your youth, so have legal fun while you still can. No hurry in growing up.

Do you think it is time we allowed for a comprehensive sex ed course to be taught in high schools?

By Zahra

Should Exams be Banned?

Millions of parents spend countless hours trying to figure out how to help their children get better grades, better teachers or better schools, extra tuition, revision books, even tutors. Here, we contrast Finnish education system, which only has one exam at the end of high school, to Kenyan system, which has exams severally in a term.

Finland is considered to have one of the leading education systems in the world. Finnish students consistently score near the top in the Program for International Student Assessment, or PISA, for reading, mathematics and science. The 2012 PISA results tell us that in these three subjects combined Finland ranks third after Korea and Japan.

The Kenyan educational system has been called intensive. Students learn for several years starting at around 4 years old till 19 before going to college. They carry a gazillion books, tones of homework, and holidays spent in class too. Although quite concentrated, many of the diaspora say that it have learned them a lot and going majuu the classes been easier to handle.

For some, education in Finland is utopia: a dreamland where teaching is the most desired profession, authorities trust schools and political parties agree on the direction of educational reforms. In our beloved country however, teachers are not treated with the pristine they should. They often go unpaid and stories of teachers and university lecturers going on strike are not uncommon. They are treated like low wage earners.

Time Table in a Kenyan School

In Finland children don't start school until they are 7 years old. They have less homework than their peers in other countries. A child's socioeconomic background is less of an impediment to academic performance. And there is only one standardized test, which is administered in the final year of high school. Kenyan kids have exams every end of term, sometimes, even every week. KCPE and KCSE are major exams that somewhat determine children’s futures in our country. Your economic background here will also determine the school you attend, as such the quality of education you get.

There are three things that have positively affected the quality of Finnish schools. First, Finland has built a school system that has over time strengthened educational equity. This means early childhood education for all children, funding all schools so they can better serve those with special educational needs, access to health and well-being services for all children in all schools, and a national curriculum that insists that schools focus on the whole child rather than narrow academic achievement. Here however, although primary school is free, there is a significant lack of resources. Basic things like proper classrooms, books, and teachers are a strain in many public schools. Some being so poor they hold their classes under trees, so when it is raining, school is cancelled.

Should schools ban homework?

Since kids are always in class, means that teachers also have a lot of work to do. They barely get time to build professional networks, share ideas and best practices. Teachers in Finland have time to work together with their colleagues during the school day. According to the most recent data provided by the OECD the average teaching load of upper primary school teachers in Finland is less than a quarter of what it is in Kenya.

Play constitutes a significant part of individual growth and learning in Finnish schools. Every class must be followed by a 15-minute recess break so children can spend time outside on their own activities. Schooldays are also shorter in Finland, and primary schools keep the homework load to a minimum so students have time for their own hobbies and friends when school is over. In Kenya, classes are back to back, and often, in boarding schools there is also ‘preps’, where students are expected to be in class. There are only two breaks in the day, break-time for tea and snacks and the lunch break at 1pm. Schools ‘end’ in the evening and start early in the morning.

Opinion: Let kids sleep late

Some aspects of the Kenyan school system are not helpful in improving education quality and equity. First, education in the Kenya is too much defined by testing and data. If getting the data using frequent standardized tests occupies up to one-third of all available time to teach, that will alone prevent students from making the marks they should.

Second, Kenyan education places too much faith in marketplace choice, which parents have because of expanded access to charter schools. This weakens the public school structure that is fundamental to many successful education systems. Whatever a parents’ wages are, it will determine the type of education your child gets.

Finally, more students in Kenya have novice or nonprofessional teachers in their classrooms today than ever. Frequent turnover of teachers in thousands of Kenyan schools undermines the entire education system. To be a teacher in Kenya is a calling. It is a known fact they are not the best paid, and iften have to go under the same impoverished state as their students.

What would be the way forward then? Kenya can't become Finland, but there is a lot we can learn about what works and what doesn't.

One affordable and smart step would be to terminate policies and practices that prevent Kenyan teachers from teaching what matters most to their students. Redesigning current punitive accountability for schools and abolishing unnecessary standardized tests would remove a big burden from schools and leave teachers with more time to focus on real learning.

Opinion: Get schools out of the 1890s
The ultimate test for the Kenyan education system will be whether it can bring equity to the forefront of education policies. When poverty explains up to half of student achievement, schools must have measures to better cope with the harmful consequences that disadvantaged family backgrounds have on teaching and learning in many schools. Enhancing equity has been one key to success in Finland.

As you complete your national exams, think about what that means for your life. We should really move away from training students to be employed-no wonder all job spheres are now saturated. There are more employees coming up every day, and very meager numbers of employers coming up. Life has so much more above books. It is time we taught it in schools too. We should teach them, not train them to cram.

By Pasi Sahlberg and Rhoda Okono

I Have a Crush on My Best Friend

I know this is totally absurd and crazy, but I do love her a little more than in the friend zone.

Hey Big Siz, I have a pal I have known for years, in our childhood people even thought we were sister cause of the sheer amount of time we spent together. Our parents were colleagues and also good friends. In prima, we went to the same school, but in seco we went to different schools. We write to each other often and the first few terms it was hard being apart, but I think she got the hung of it. I haven’t. I realised that I actually do love her a lot. Love as is shared in a marriage, not for a sibling. My pal completes me. I know this is cheezy, but she does take my breath away. Puberty has made her sexy and super gorgeous.

Does this make me a lesbian? I am scared to tell her. She also has a mega crush on one of our new neighbours-a boy. I am afraid that if I do tell her, it would put a strain in our friendship and she may not want to hang out with me. She is not a homophobe, but she does not swing that way. Is this just a passing phase? What should I do?

Jess

Hi Jess,

Naturally when humans are born, we are of nutral desires. We are actually trained to love one sex or the other. Our environment shapes us in many ways. You are close to your pal. You feel a connection with her that you cannot quite explain, so factor it into lesbianism. It is normal to feel that attraction to her, but it is not lesbianism. You will get a boy to crush on soon enough. What you and your pal have is a soul connection. She feels you as much as you feel her, doesn’t mean there is no room for others. Am sure you love your parents or siblings, no other person can take their place.

I would say it is a passing phase. Many people go thru this but are too shy to talk about it. Remain happy and keep the friendship. It is such friends who are there for us in EVERYTHING!! Be happy you have a true true friend.

Hugs

Big Siz

How I Got Hired – Over People Better Than Me!

As I was getting ready for the biannual career fair early in the junior year of my undergrad, prospects of finding an internship were not looking that great. My fellow engineers had decided that attending the career fair was a waste of time. Ours was a small liberal arts school in the Midwest, where tech jobs were as rare as opportunities to have fun. The tech bubble had burst. 9/11 had further cramped the economy. Surely, engineers would get a friendlier welcome at a sorority party than at the career event. Why bother going, they asked?

The princes of pessimism (being engineers, there were more princes than princesses) had made their stand. Just like they would in social situations, they had surrendered before the battle had begun. I was undeterred through. I believed that if only I could get facetime with recruiters, great things would happen. I was confident that anyone with a job opening was one 5-minute conversation away from falling in professional love with me. Plus, I did not want to spend a summer in a college town. So, buoyed by cockiness and motivated by desperation, I cleaned up my resume and myself and found myself at the fair. Then, it happened.

I saw a position titled “Financial Analyst”. I also found out that no one from the computer science department had applied for said position. The title made it seem like the position had little to do with software. I still walked up to the booth and asked the recruiter from Sprint to provide me with some details on what the position was about. She told me they were looking for someone with experience in SQL and Visual Basic to help build a billing database system. That sounded like a position a student in a computer science program should be applying for, I thought.

I told the recruiter, with a smile that lit up the Missouri morning, “I have experience in the areas you want and would love to apply. Just so you know, the title seems a bit odd for the skill set you need.” The recruiter said, “You’re right! I came up with the title in a rush since the group hiring for this is under the Finance cost center. The hiring manager is available to chat later this morning. Would you want to talk and see if there is a match?” Just like that, I was being invited to an interview at a career fair. Just for walking up to an employer confidently and inquisitively.

I was led to a conference room. I chatted with a hiring manager. We worked out a fuller job description. I came up with a better title. The manager was impressed that I did not let a label (the job title) discourage me. There was a decent skill-set match. I walked out with a job offer. At a career fair that allegedly would have no opportunities for me, I walked out with a same-day interview and a job offer for a position whose description I co-wrote.

I recognize this is a rosier scenario than most, but a few lessons are in order for anyone looking for work, young and seasoned alike.

Looking for work can be exhausting and exhilarating in equal measure. The unknowns are supposed to test you. If it were easy, they’d call it football. Don’t ever, ever, ever, lose hope. Job titles are like Madison Square Garden. The iconic NY venue is neither square nor a garden. Similarly, job titles sometimes are riddled with inaccuracies and inadequacies. Ask questions, and look beyond labels. Your willingness to do so only makes you better qualified for the job itself.

I was not the most qualified engineer in the CS department for the job. I was, however, the most qualified engineer who ended up applying for the job. A lot of folks who could have walked away with the job did not apply. I was at the right place at the right time, but got there when others chose not to. If you have a tendency to undersell yourself, remember this: you don’t always have to be the best to win.

It may sound unfair that I got the job over those more qualified. Then again, how many times have you lost out to someone less worthy than you? Life is not governed by an ideal plan. A series of events, decisions and outcomes all form threads of a grand tapestry. When you do get a break, make it count and prove yourself worthy.

Speaking of proving yourself worthy, skills matter. Keep learning and growing. The value you bring to a company will help you set sail when the time is right, and serve as an anchor when the seas are stormy. For all the things you can’t control, this one you do. There is no substitute for being qualified and deserving.

For all the weight accorded to “who you know”, “who you don’t know” is important too. Introducing yourself to someone you don’t know, and asking for their consideration is supposed to make you nervous. To not feel vulnerable in that situation goes against human nature. But by asking for someone to give you their time, you are showing them respect. No heart, however corporate and cynical, is immune to sincere human outreach.

Finally, luck helped me land that job. This experience taught me the degree to which fortune, as much as fortitude, can drive hiring decisions. I remember this every time things don’t go my way. Don’t ever attach your sense of self-worth to whether a certain job works out or not. You are the sum total of your efforts, not just one failed interview. Also remember that when good fortune does come your way, consume it with relish, but for good measure throw in a pinch of humility as well.

By Nishant Bhajaria; Freelance Career Coach and Product Manager at Nike

How to Fight With Your Partner #2

Try these expert tips to prevent a relationship meltdown and keep your partnership in healthy, fighting shape. Every couple—even the blissful ones who seem madly and annoyingly in love—argue now and then. But how you fight—and recover from an argument—can make all of the difference when it comes to having a happy, healthy relationship. By identifying fighting styles that can wreck your relationship over time (stonewalling, anyone?) and learning better ways to communicate even in the heat of the moment, you can maintain a stronger, better partnership.

Fostering Healthy Communication
You and your partner are going to fight now and then. That’s a given. But while you may not always have control over what sets you off, you have control over how you handle the situation. By taking a deep breath and employing these smart strategies, you can keep your relationship in (healthy) fighting shape.

a) Stay on point. What exactly are you fighting for? And no, “being right” doesn’t count as an objective. “Healthy, positive communication in any relationship should start with the following: respect, consideration, empathy, an open mind and a calm tone,” notes Cheryl Burke, a licensed mental health therapist in Winter Park, Florida. “The next step requires each person to consider their objectives before communicating thoughts and feelings with the other.”

b) Be clear on your purpose: whether it’s asking for more help with chores around the house or convincing your mate that opening a bank account, not a shylock deal, is a necessity in the long term—keeps a quarrel from going into pointless (and sometimes) dangerous territory.

c) Positive Healthy Communication: Adds Burke, “positive healthy communication is not confrontational or argumentative, rather it’s an attempt to get what one needs from his or her partner with the clear understanding that we must be willing to give to get. Finally, the key to successful resolution is not to focus on the problem—old or new—but instead to focus on the resolution.”

d) Watch your language. Research shows that choosing the right fighting words can keep an argument from turning nasty and sending stress levels skyrocketing. According to a study published the journal Health Psychology, couples who used cognitive processing words, such as “think,” “consider,” “understand,” “because,” or “reason,” during heated arguments showed smaller increases of stress-related, inflammatory chemicals than pairs who didn’t—and the effects lasted for more than 24 hours.

e) Drop the “all or nothing” attitude. When you’re frustrated with your partner because he forgot to take out the trash—again—or left his dirty dishes in the sink (like they’re magically going to wash themselves), it’s easy to lash back by saying “you never take out the trash” or “you always leave the dishes in the sink.” Really? Always? Going to the extreme doesn’t help your argument. “Leave out ‘you always’ and ‘never,’” suggests Elyse Goldstein, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist in private practice in New York City. “We get carried away with our feelings in the moment, like children. You have to treat another person with more respect.” Instead, focus on your specific point—that you would appreciate it if he could step up more when it comes to tossing out the garbage and putting dirty dishes away.

f) Empathize with your partner. When you’re ticked off, it’s tough to feel empathy for your partner. But channelling your sympathetic side not only cools anger, it helps you better understand each other’s position and fosters healthier communication. “Empathy is the key to being able to argue better and to put yourself in the other’s shoes,” says Dr. Goldstein. “Really listen—not just pay lip service while you’re thinking about your rebuttal. And realize that you’re talking to someone you love.”

g) Nix the unnecessary insults. Above all, don’t stoop to demeaning or belittling your mate—the equivalent of tossing a relationship hand grenade into the mix—just because you’re hurt and angry. “Don’t show contempt—nobody is perfect,” says Goldstein. “Instead, think about the intent of the other person. They’re not trying to do you wrong. Mostly, they’re unaware of the transgression, such as the stupid thing they said to you at a party. Sometimes you have to teach your mate what the guide to you is.”

h) Go to bed angry—sometimes. You’ve heard it a hundred times: “Don’t go to bed angry!” “Women are a little guiltier of that than men,” says Goldstein. “They want the resolution and hate sitting with bad feelings. And we’re socialized to make nice.” And as it turns out, there’s a grain of truth that going to bed ticked off can be bad: Research published in the Journal of Neuroscience found that hitting the sack enhances memories, particularly emotional ones. The study found that sleep preserves the negative emotional response, keeping those powerful emotions fresh, while staying awake blunts the emotional response. That said, if your quarrel kicks off late at night, sometimes tabling the talk until the next day is necessary. “You’re not going to get anywhere when the person is half asleep, really irritated and isn’t really available to have the discussion at that point,” says Burke. “If a couple is unable to resolve issues before bed, they should consider agreeing upon a plan to discuss the resolution at a later date and time—and then retire.” Just be sure to make it a priority to deal with the issue head on the morning after.

By Rachel Grumman Bender

American Teen Jailed for 50 Years for Beating a Kenyan

A United States judge has sentenced an American teen to 50 years in prison for the brutal attack of a Kenyan who has been fighting for his life in an Oklahoma medical facility.

On February 26 last year, Leshaun Murray, together with others, violently attacked Mr. Michael Wasike during a carjacking incident, leaving him without the ability to walk, talk, see or feed himself. The victim suffered permanent brain damage and is receiving care in Tulsa Oklahoma.

Iowa Judge Karen Romano sentenced Murray, 17, to two 25-year prison sentences to be served consecutively.
In April, Murray entered guilty pleas on two counts of first-degree robbery. The judge also imposed a mandatory minimum sentence on the first count, relating to the near-fatal carjacking of Mr. Wasike. This means Murray will have to serve 70 per cent of his 25-year prison sentence before being eligible for parole.

Seventeen year old Leshaun Murray was sentenced to 50 years in Prison by a US court for the brutal attack of a Kenyan, Mr Michael Wasike, leaving him with a permanent brain damage.

Judge Romano said a mandatory minimum sentence was not appropriate for the second count, relating to Murray threatening Sam Lasswell with a gun prior to carjacking Mr. Wasike. Police said Murray, Kenneth “Kenny” Barry, 18, and Terrance Lamont Cheeks Jr., 17, sought to stop motorists driving by on the snowy night in 2013 and steal their cars. Murray held a gun, police said. The trio stopped Mr. Wasike, beat him, and left him on the street.

‘KILLED MY HUSBAND’
Mr. Wasike’s wife, Joan Namachemo, said after the sentencing: “You did not hurt Mike, you killed him,” she said. “You killed my husband . . . I hope today’s sentencing is fair to me and you; I hope you go where you belong…I should not live in fear because of you.”

During the first half of the sentencing hearing, a Des Moines police detective talked about Murray’s previous run-ins with law enforcement which included a fight on a bus and a charge for running from police. In a surveillance video of the fight, Murray can be heard referencing a local gang, Detective Jeffrey Shannon testified. The detective also said a phone call from the Marshall County Jail where Murray has been held, references Murray’s previous gang involvement and desire to rejoin the gang if he is released.

Mr. Wasike’s daughter, Sandrah Nasimiyu, recalled how she reunited with her father after he moved to the United States from Kenya. “But now I only got to spend three years with my father, Nasimiyu, 14, told a Polk County District Court judge on Thursday. “I remember dad talking about taking a daddy-daughter trip to Chicago. I guess I’ll never get that. We can’t do things together, can’t laugh or play around because it makes him agitated. I can’t get a smile from my Dad.”

During the victim impact statement, Nasimiyu moved the court when she read a poem about losing her father, then turned to Murray who sat pensively and said: “You don’t scare me,” she told him. “To me, you’re weak. You took the easy way out.”

Mr. Wasike moved to the United States four years ago to join his family.

By B.M. J. Muriithi

Dating Is Impossible when You’re Still in Love with Your Ex

There are many stages of heartbreak. Three months deep into my break-up, I have experienced almost all of them. First there’s shell shock, followed by denial, and then some combination of paralysis, anger, and loneliness. Then there’s this period where you just feel numb and find yourself staring at inanimate objects, having really cliché, intro-to-philosophy-type thoughts like, “What is happiness, anyway?” Eventually, after you’ve regained at least some of your dignity, you enter the classic “I’ll show them!” phase. This is when your brain tries to trick your heart into thinking that you’ve moved on, and you suddenly have tons of energy for things you’ve never cared about before, like alphabetizing your bookshelves and figuring out what the best cooks advise, even though you never cook and literally don’t own a single pan. This is also the phase when you begin the dreaded coital dance known as dating.

For me, this phase began with writing “living well is the best revenge” on a Post-it, sticking it to the wall beside my bed, then staring at it for twenty minutes before deciding to take a nap. When I woke up from that nap, I downloaded Tinder.

“How bad could it be?” I thought. Funnily enough, despite Tinder’s reputation as a hook-up app, most people don’t want to meet soon after matching, but rather engage in hours of meaningless texting—about the latest trendy food hybrid, about how stuff is so expensive—which is something I can’t stand doing with friends, let alone strangers. But eventually, I matched with a handsome enough 30-something who was OK with skipping the small talk. But an hour later, walking into the specified bar, I immediately understood why people take the time to screen each other via text. Tinder guy turned out to be two of my worst fears combined: a short actor.

As is common with short actors, this guy was very fond of himself, and within minutes he was playing aloud a recording of himself singing a song from his upcoming off-Broadway show. As I politely smiled and nodded along to the ballad—a duet!—blasting from his phone, I tried my best to conceal the actual shivers of terror running down my spine. Next, naturally, he asked me if I was into threesomes. Although he posed it less as a question and more as an offer, adding that he’d had a few threesomes in the past that were “OK or whatever,” but he’d be willing to have another if it’s what I wanted. I said it was very generous of him, and before I knew it, he was leading me into a nearby gay bar, where he suggested I “find a girl for a group sex,” despite the fact that 98 percent of the people in the bar were gay men. It was when he attempted to grind with me to a Lana Del Rey techno remix that I finally made my escape.

But it wasn’t a true escape, because in the following days and then weeks, Tinder guy’s texts were incessant, despite my complete lack of response. It was everything from, “Babe, how about that threesome?” to “Is your phone broken!?” to the complete non sequitur “I was on TV this week.” Finally, he asked if the reason I wasn’t responding was because I was too dumb to understand simple English.

Something I’ve learned over the years is that a lot of men have trouble dealing with rejection. Their brains literally go haywire, and they begin spewing out insults in a desperate attempt to rebuild their fragile egos. And this sad phenomenon has only been exasperated by online dating, which allows men access to countless more women who don’t want to have sex with them.

My very wise friend Ally once said: “The dating scene is a war zone. If you don’t watch out, your legs will get blown off and you’ll end up begging for money on the streets.” That might be a bit overdramatic but I understand the sentiment. Sometimes the idea of “getting out there” seems like torture, but you have to do it, because the alternative is a life of sitting home alone, eating bags of crisps while watching soaps in your uncle’s hand-me-down sweatpants (something I’ve been doing regularly).

A couple nights later, I went to a dinner party. I wore a slinky silk dress and intentionally went to the party alone, to force myself to mingle. I ended up in a long conversation with an older, seemingly early-50s cardiologist. He was wearing high-waisted khakis and had overgrown nose hairs, but he was really sweet, and was becoming funnier with every sip of punch I took. I was eager for an atypical experience, so I agreed to go back to his apartment. I was looking for an experience, but this was the wrong one.

The reality is, it’s hard to find someone who you can imagine being with more than twice, who doesn’t make you want to kill yourself as soon as they start talking. But if you don’t want to be celibate, sometimes you have to lower your standards. This is generally when you find yourself with a random weird guy who you discover later is engaged in another relationship, right before he tells you that the crutches in his living room are for when he pretends to be disabled to skip lines at the airport.

I’m not trying to make a sweeping statement that modern dating is doomed, the funny thing about heartbreak is, it doesn’t even matter who you meet, because no one stands a chance.

There’s a distinct difference between beginning to date after getting out of a bad relationship and forcing yourself to date after ending a healthy relationship that you wish you were still in. After I broke up with my verbally abusive ex-boyfriend, years ago, I fell in love with everyone who so much as held a door open for me. “Wow, you talked to me for three minutes on the subway without calling me stupid or fat? Of course I’ll do anything for you! In fact, why don’t you just move in?” But when you’re still in love with your ex, as I am now, all the new people you meet are stuck being compared not just with your ex, but with a romanticized version of your ex who is actually far better, smarter, and more attractive than they are in real life. It’s an unattainable standard. And you’re essentially a hypocrite: you’re completely emotionally unavailable, while also highly demanding of people’s attention. The combination is not so attractive.

Recently, I spent a couple of weeks dating a respected magazine editor who on paper is clearly an appropriate partner choice for me. I’m always reading articles about how we live in an age of “hook-up culture,” about how, for us millennials, courtship is dead. But in my experience, this is far from the case. And the editor took me on some pretty epic dates: there was dinner on a boat at ‘Diani’, a beach weekend in ‘Arusha’, martinis at the ‘Tribe’, and a series of other rendezvous that made me feel like I was living in a Shirley Temple movie. A couple times I actually found myself thinking, “Wow, you might be the perfect guy.” But ultimately, it only solidified how hung up on my ex I am, because even the perfect guy wasn’t good enough. He could be a black James Bond reincarnate with a Black Card and chiselled features, and such a gentleman, but it still wouldn’t feel right, because he’s not the person I’m in love with.

By Karley Sciortino: Karley Sciortino writes the blog Slutever.

Never Leave

This is a promise I made,
For more than a decade,
And it will never fade,
Till at death I be laid.

Through the pouring rains,
I’ll always use my brain,
Not to speak in vain,
So that love doesn’t drain.

I’ll always be with you,
This promise is so true,
And my heart won’t turn blue,
Because it’s sealed with a screw

#Warrior
Nate Kamau <204>
Pioneer School

BODY PART YOU DRY FIRST REVEALS YOUR PERSONALITY

Want to quickly know what others personality types really are… to help you decide whether to date, divorce, or have an affair with them, for example? Or maybe you wonder, “What personality type am I?” toward finding the ideal career or beverage for you.

Then closely watch what part of their body they first dry after showering… and pay attention to what part you first dry. Because that reveals more about personality type than absolutely anything else ever, according to a new study.

The study was conducted by watching hundreds of people I know of step naked and dripping wet out of their showers. The subjects included women from all geographic regions, income levels, and professions ranging in age from 18 or so to 44. So as not to influence their choices, the subjects had no idea they were being watched, studied, or video recorded. And here are the surprising results:
1. Dry Hair First
Those who dry their hair first after showering tend to be very logical, practical, and incredibly boring in bed. They once thought they would be models, but are now slightly overweight, quietly bitter at the world, and most likely to open fire on random people in a Chicken House. They are reliable and dedicated in their work, but are prone to cheating on their significant others when drunk and will typically use the alcohol as an excuse. (Ironically, while dull in bed with their committed partners, the hair-dryers become rather insane sexual beasts with their cheating partners.) Ideal careers for those who dry their hair first after showering include accountant, factory-line assembler, data entry clerk, sniper, and sweeper.

2. Dry Ears First
People who dry their ears first after showering think they really “get” other people, but they don’t. They think they’re witty, but they’re not. They think that if they really put their minds to it, they can achieve anything, but that’s not true especially for them. They think they’re sexy and they know it, but they’re not and they don’t. They’re wrong about everything, in fact, except one thing: they think they’re “survivors,” and that they are… but only in the same way that cockroaches are. If you know someone who thinks very highly of himself or herself, when actually they should be thinking very lowly if they were truly “in touch” with who they are, it is a sure thing that they dry their ears first after showering. Ear-dryers are the people it is ethical to make fun of. There are no ideal careers for the ear-dryers. If you dry your ears first after atypical shower, like this young woman is about to do, you don’t really “get it”… and the more you think you do, the more you don’t.

3. Dry Face First
People who dry their faces first after showering are true “take-charge” individuals. Whether they’re involved in a horribly dull corporate restructuring project, a pick-up game of bocci ball, or a vicious lynch mob, the face dryers will be right there at the forefront, leading the others to success. Still, other people don’t like them. One of many reasons is that face-dryers edge tremendously toward overindulgence that seriously disgusts the hell out of others: whether it’s excessive condiments, compliments, clapping, crack, or CAPITAL LETTERS in their texts, “way too much” always seems to be just the right amount for face-dryers. They’re drawn to the spotlight, to angrily yelling instructions at football players on TV who can’t hear them, to beef jerky, and to having heart attacks. Ideal careers include CEO, police officer, ShamWow! infomercial host, dictator, lynch mob organizer, and champion bowler.

4. Dry Neck First
Those who dry their necks first after showering are all cowards who sing well. They live their lives in fear of pretty much everything, attend counseling almost non-stop throughout their adult lives though it doesn’t get them anywhere except more broke, pick at their food like insects, and their incessant worrying makes it impossible for anyone else to truly love them. They think everything is a conspiracy against them, and usually it is. But again, they do sing well. Ideal careers include yodeler, telemarketer, auctioneer, house cleaner, and famous singer. If you dry your neck first after a typical shower, you like to sing in the shower and you’ll never find true love.

5. Dry Boobs First
The boobs first types are sweet and nurturing, but incredibly gullible and quite stupid overall. When you need help, those who dry their boobs first after showering are always there for you… and when you need to take advantage of someone, the boob dryers are also always there for you. They smile a lot… really a lot more than they should, which gets annoying and makes you want to take advantage of them. They bake well, tend to love TV, and have squeeky little annoying voices even if every other part of their body is massive. Boobs-first types make great babysitters, nurses, Starbucks baristas, and punching bags.

6. Dry Stomach First
Those who dry their stomachs first after showering are the most greedy obnoxious pigs you never want to meet — except if you’re piss drunk. They’re not funny when you’re sober, but they’re hilarious when you’re smashed, because they intentionally scare the neck-first-dryer types like the small Indian lady who works the late-night cash register at 7-11 and they insult parents’ babies to their faces. They do become very wealthy, but they achieve their riches “by any means necessary,” including fixed boxing matches, insurance scams on the elderly, and getting you to join the creepy multi-level marketing they’re top members of like Amway, Xango, Nikken and all that. They drive Cadillac Escalades and complain the truck’s not big enough, eat Wendy’s Triple Baconator and still have room for fries, but interestingly they cry excessively when listening to “sentimental songs”. Ideal careers for stomach dryers include union organizer, volleyball umpire, construction company owner, life insurance sales, scam artist, and asshole. Dry your belly first after a typical shower, then you’re a pig.

7. Dry Arms First
Those who dry their arms first after showering never found a sunny situation they couldn’t turn grey. Think Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh, think “Oh my GOD, why did they have to invite her to the party, there goes all the fun!” They even look like rain clouds. They love cats, and think cats love them though the rest of us know cats don’t love anyone, they’re only “nice” because they know who feeds them. Like almost everyone, the arm-dryers do have their good qualities, but no one knows what they are. They enjoy eating potatoes, so maybe that’s one. Ideal careers for those who dry their arms first include envelope stuffer, doomsday prophesy maker, ticket agent, KFC order taker, and dead.

8. Dry Hands First
People who dry their hands first after showering are control freaks. Scary bitches. “My way or the highway, muthafucka!” They act like they want to stab you if you drop a tortilla chip on the carpet and don’t immediately pick it up, and they stare at you with devil’s eyes for weeks if you accidentally placed an orange juice glass where the grapefruit juice glasses go. Yes, from head to toe they are awesome dressers, and they clean things amazingly well (including things no one else cleans ever, like ceilings, garden hoses, the backs of TVs, and even water heaters), but hands-firsters also like to lead religious cults, enslave people, and complete crossword puzzles. Ideal careers for hands-firsters include engineer, suicide bomber, mathematician, gangsta, grocery shelver, Vice President of Operations, and person who paints lines on roads. Those who dry their hands first after a typical shower, are most likely to enslave others.

9. Dry Back First
Those who dry their backs first after showering are the most creative and anti-establishment types, but they also tend to be the most cannibalistic serial killer types. They cannot ever be trusted. If you had a party that fifty people attended and one of them was a dry-back-first type, and you are now missing the three most valuable Smurfs worth over 3K each from your old Smurf figurine collection, you can be 110% certain it was the back-dryer. If anyone suspects a dry-back-first type of anything, in fact, they’re right. They’re exceptional at leading revolutions, though, at least until the opposing side has been wiped out and things need to get orderly. They paint nice. They tend to shower the second-least after ass-dryers and they stink. Ideal careers include artist, revolutionary war hero, and homeless.

10. Dry Ass First*
Despite their reputations, those who dry their ass first are not lazy. Or better put, not merely lazy… they’re totally worthless piece-of-lizard-poop slugs. In fact, those who dry their asses first also typically dry their asses last, because it’s the only part of their bodies they dry at all before deciding drying is “too difficult” and wouldn’t it be nice to grab some Chews and Coke and go sit on the couch “a while” and watch one episode a series, which of course means watching every other one in the CD “all day” until 1am, when they have to drag their fat pointless selves into their Memory Foam mattress beds that only remember how much even they can’t stand these waste-of-space-and-air blobs. Ideal careers for ass dryers include unemployed.

*Interestingly, those who dry the space up in between their buttocks first (i.e., their assholes) tend to not only be the unbelievably lazy types, but those unbelievably bitter lazy types (i.e. assholes) who shout out unimaginably obscene profanities at everyone! If you dry your ass first after showering, you are very good at opening beer and soda bottles and that’s about it.

11. Dry Genitals First
Those who dry their genitals first after showering are sluts. And nothing but sluts. Ideal careers for those who dry their genitals first after showering include hooker, whore, and slut. If you dry your genitals first after a typical shower, you’re a slut.

12. Dry Legs First
Those who dry their legs first after showering are the best people. They’re the smartest, the most attractive with all the “right parts” in all the “right places,” tons of fun even during church service and natural disasters, and by far the most likely to win all the major competitions (break-dancing contests, mayoral elections, Employee of the Month, the Oscars, cherry-pit-spit champ, Nobel Prize, Pictionary Queen, and so forth.) The other types envy leg-dryers which is understandable, but the envy is so extreme that — unless they are receiving immense pleasure from a leg-dryer — the other types want to push leg-dryers into a vat of corrosive chemicals to dissolve them. Leg-dryers are too brilliant to let them, of course. The only drawback with those who dry their legs first after showering is that all the other types keep breeding, so they’re not the only ones left on the planet. Notable leg-first-dryers include Abraham Lincoln, Jenna Jameson, Mother Teresa, Buster Guru, Martin Luther King, Bruce Lee, Jesus, and Angelina Jolie (Brad Pitt is a boobs-first type — surprising only to those who don’t know him personally.) Ideal careers for legs-firsters include President, King or Queen, Champ, World-Famous Guru, yard sales, Hero, and Employee of This Decade and the Next.

13. Dry Feet First
People who dry their feet first after showering are weighed down in their lives by monumental guilt, yet they keep doing the same dumb ass things provoking that guilt… including sick, twisted, and illegal things involving corpses, ponies, and the like. While others may have played a role, feet-dryers are generally most responsible for everything that goes seriously wrong anywhere. However, if you’re a dominant dry-your-face-first-after-showering type who wants to “own” someone and make them do the kinkiest things in bed, a dry-feet-first type is definitely for you (or a dry-genitals-first type, of course). The feet-dryers do tend to have nice manners, are excellent at commenting on the weather, love apologizing and gardening, and drive Toyotas. They have nice feet. Ideal careers for those who dry their feet first include postal worker, rock band groupie, bank teller, geologist, priest, and gym teacher. If you dry your feet first after a typical shower, you should be ashamed of yourself for what you are doing… and you know exactly what I am talking about.

And there you have it! YES, if you’re wondering, studies have shown this body-part-dry-first-after-showering method (or “BPDFAS Method”) is far more accurate in pigeon-holing people into personality types than Briggs Myers and the other psychology tests, than skin color, than what kind of car they drive, or even their Zodiac sign!

So save this page, share it with friends and family and exes and others who can benefit, and USE it… use it to reliably learn what type of adult your little one is going to grow up to be, for example, and use it by posting your Body-Part-Dry-First-After-Showering Status (or “BPDFAS Status”) on your facebook or twitter profile (and be sure to ask others their status too… remember those Genitals-First types are “sure things”)

But however you choose to use it, be sure to use it responsibly… and happy drying!

– Buster Guru